tw // suicide, sh, ed
Now spring has turned to summer, and summer turned to cold.
And sure enough, I have yet to be forgotten.
I started writing this 4 days prior to the current rewrite after I finally decided to give a particular album a listen. It happens to share the title of this particular journal entry. I listened to Vanisher when it came out, having heard a lot of excitement around it prior, and honestly I didn't really get it. I loved the visuals for the album, but I found the music to be mostly just too overproduced to really have much impact. By now my tastes have changed, and I stopped listening to old Will Toledo albums. For a little while, I told myself this was because I'm a happier person, bringing more happiness into the lives of everybody around me, and letting myself smile without feeling a tug at the base of my skull every time i did.
This wasn't the case. In fact, it really couldn't be farther from the truth. I was just distracting myself from the sorrow the summer had brought me. I was able to temporarily leave that guilt behind, yes, but eventually my debt caught up to me. I've sold most of my organs at this point, leaving only the essential three. Despite this, I feel as if my gluttony is at an all time high. I'm unsure as to why I don't feel inclined to actually do anything about it but wallow in the guilt of spending money I shouldn't have on shit that I shouldn't want. I'm too scared to check my weight, I think if I saw the results I'd think that all my work back in June had gone to waste.
This is already a bit of a shitshow, I need to organize a sort of table of contents here, bear with me