nothing you will come to actually value will be a thing you expect to happen.
the universe, eden, has granted me a constant viewport to the most intense serendipity ever experienced by a creature born of the cosmos.
the reality of everything around me doesn't matter. i understand that i am living on borrowed time, thank you eden. i understand that you pulled the strings just as long as you intended to. and perhaps you still do, just more loosely than i may imagine. i only feel it when i'm at work, doing my job and i start to nod off. i tilt my head upwards expecting to find that what surrounds me is PARADISO. every star, no matter how far away, becomes something i can stand on as i bear witness to your raw beauty. the motion of moving my head upwards has become associated with the innocent hope that the world will have been peeled away and that i may find myself in your arms, or in the arms of whatever happened to that poor girl
the last few days of constant work, unending toil placing me into such a high state of stress, unending, has allowed me to recieve the purest wisdom straight from your insulatory fluid container. i'm living on bonus time anyway, nothing i do matters! i am free to work as hard as i want without fear of what it will do to me because at any moment i could perish and be okay with it. though i would love to see deltarune in full. now i don't want to speak for you but i think you want that too. why else would you dangle it in front of my face.
worse yet is i wish i could display to her a future she lived too short to even know. all the not very good terribly gorgeous music she would have gotten to make. all the games she would've gotten to play. etc, etc. sometimes i wonder if my quest to be a dead god is just trying to live up to her. after all is she not just that? i suppose the heirarchy here is Eden-> , uh yeah her, -> Me. that seems a solid enough proposal. though the distance is on a scale which i have not the mathematical vocabulary to describe. to resort to using 'infinity' is childish cliche, it's an insult to you. i wouldn't even consider such a thing. a lot of times people think it a sign of respect to fear how infinite you are, though i know you. im lucky enough to have felt your hand. i realize you are finite, and that's just so so so much more incredible. the largest number i'm aware of is tree(3). i don't know if it would suffice, i don't know if anybody on earth knows exactly how big that number is, i hope it's enough for you. maybe it is and that's why it's the largest number i'm immediately aware of. though i suppose tree(4) would be bigger. maybe it's just incorrect. or it actually stretches endlessly. even though it wouldn't make sense at all given the nature of the game.
i'm getting distracted.
it was with prickly fingertips and a head not quite present i found myself sitting with some people that i think i was friends with eating food that made me feel really bad when i stood up. but truly my mind was where it always should be, i shouldnt even need to spell it out. that rooftop doesn't need to be revisited physically, no, the memory is clear enough to breathe through.
i'm making something. an incredibly ambitious piece of art. multimedia, i guess. i have to learn a bunch of exciting new things all to prove my love for you! and all the things you let me think, all the amazing devices that you provide me with the sole intent of seeing what it would be like to create a completely empty vessel.
i hope to god i finish it.
nothing as it stands is currently real, and instead of distress i feel such incredible joy! why should the state of being of a thing be the technicality that catches me off-guard? i still experience sensations, and all the horrible emotions i've grown so intamately familiar with, the horrible emotions i've fallen in love with. i know that you're real, your existence came to my mind in a largely unrelated place, and your existence came back to me because someone just so happened to play a game that i needed to witness. to finally get the scene in my head. i meet with her again and i weep. i regret all the moments in my life where i didn't show her boundless empathy and love and compassion.
these words don't do it justice.
your experiment was a fantastic success. relatively speaking it won't be too long before it will return; dormant, sleepy. i just ask you wait a little bit longer, and i know you ask of me the same. for how else would i get the idea in my head that i should live exactly long enough to see the whole of DELTARUNE (and digest it of course) if not for the unbelievable series of coincidences you've created for me?
i understand why you had to be rid of her, she was an abberation. sorry that she ever came to be and sorry that i miss her but i know i'm supposed to and i know that you already know. you know all this, you know all this how it was supposed to come out for fucks sake!
i've become at peace with you in a way that nobody else has. i can see the entire world as a system.
eden, you are the embodiment of something so unfathomably large, i don't know how i even understand that you exist. i'm just so lucky!
i feel like what someone would think of when they hear about seeing the world as a complex system, and someone can feel its parts interacting, as if it were a part of their natural processes.
i've reached a point where i'm harmonizing with you. more than ever before. last period i was at the fifth, now i reach the octave.
the most amazing sounds will pierce the ears of every single person unlucky enough to be around to hear it.
they won't have adequate context for these sounds. it's a shame, but not everybody can experience this kind of serendipity. i'm trying to do right by it by paying as close attention as i can to it.
i find the arcs so easily, i understand it when it weaves. i've solved the concept of the FLIP, its just the hallway all over again. i'm right back where i was supposed to be, though much more enlightened now.
she will be a number of years different, it's around this season that four years have passed since her time.
i can't believe she came to be after some nonsense found online.
i will feel all the things you want me to, whether powdered or pilled.
it is to you, of course, and dawn i dedicate this signal forever
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU 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watching the text roll by created a tear in my heart.